The crunch

This is when things come to the crunch. When things don't go your way. Deep in my heart of hearts I know I'm asking why. I don't begrudge my colleague any happiness, I just wish, I could be sharing a bit of his pie too. That his happiness could be mine too.

The thing is, happiness shouldn't be when things go my way. Happiness should just be, regardless, because seriously, I have what really counts.

Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you. Have I really, really been seeking? And seeking first?

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Truly you breathe new life and new meaning into old words. 

Just talking to myself here: seriously, it's not even close to being the desert place!

God it's so tough, but I want things your way. Let this be from my heart, and not just my mind.

There is no shame in learning

就算你比人家慢半拍, 那又怎样?
就算你犯的错误好糟糕, 那又怎样?

学得慢没有罪, 只怕你不敢学.

不要在乎别人的眼光, 那一点也不重要, 因为最重要的人, 都站在你那一边了.

If my God is for me, then who can be against me.

加油!

Year 5

It's May! Against all odds, God has brought me to a goal that seemed so far in the beginning- Year 5, the life I've been experiencing since the start of this year. You can't deny the rush of pride that comes with introducing yourself as a year 5, however tiny. But with it comes so much responsibility, and all that responsibility is only a glimpse of the life ahead as a doctor, and you wonder if you have what it takes. Thank God I'm not alone, that in everything I do, my God is watching. 

Reading the Cochrane protocol late into the night, I wonder if this is the life I'm meant to have. All those half-painted dreams of helping people, wanting to spend my time bringing smiles to patients' faces but am ankles deep in research, missing interaction with children but suddenly apprehensive of paediatric posting... Now I realise the reason we were given Year 5 relatively exam-free- it is to give us time to figure out our next step of life. Being a child of God, my task is both made simpler and more complicated at the same time. In one sense it is more difficult because I need to remember it is not about me but about His greater purpose, but in another sense it is easier because He has gone before me to show me the way. It sometimes feels like I'm on the edge of a cliff and it would just take one more step for me to fall off, but how will you learn to fly unless you let your feet off the ground?

This is it- the process of me growing up and maturing as a young medical professional, as an adult, as a follower of Christ. It is both wonderful and yet scary, and I am both excited and apprehensive. I just had to make a note of this rare moment of solitude and rumination before life slips me by again. 

Note to self: Remember who is in control, and relish the time you have. 

Now to practice what I believe in.    

Gift

beta blocker

You bring me peace like no drug can.
I want to keep holding onto that peace.

The biggest waves are yet to come, but you are a faithful God.
Will I be a faithful follower?

Faith-Full. Huh.

weakness

自卑感四方八面袭击而来, 身价一落千丈...
but you still counted me worthy.
痛, 可是你的痛更深, 更伤.
i know that you are for me
i know that you will never forsake me in my weakness

幸福, 因为我不配拥有, 变得更可贵.

lessons

Prayer is not a waste of time.

People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care.

Beauty comes from you.

When times seem darkest, your light shines brightest.

I would rather that my heart be without words, than my words be without heart.

"To think that the universe could not contain your glory, yet you chose to live in me."

sigh.

the calm before the storm

what boils beneath the calm exterior?

My rock in the tempestuous ocean
As long as I keep my eyes on you
you will lead me to the right path

Father, let my gaze not falter.