Some things in life..

Another routine drive down to Malacca to visit my maternal grandma and grandpa.. As our car whizzes down the highway, the trees and lush greenery pass me by so fast, but I don't even spare them a glance. A year has gone by so quickly..

A day goes by even faster..

Suddenly, we're at the doorstep of my grandma and grandpa's house saying our goodbyes once again.. I watch my brother hug grandpa. As always, Grandpa marvels at his height. Then, it's my turn. I awkwardly reach forward and envelope his bony frame with my arms carefully, afraid that if I squeeze too hard-- his frail body might just snap. He's grown so thin!! But what more could one expect.. He has been battling cancer for so many years.. I reach out for grandma and warmly embrace her. I realise with a start-- she's all bones too.. I stand back to get a better look at both of them. They smile back at me, their eyes suspiciously bright. Lines signifying wisdom, experience and age form at the sides of their eyes and mouth, as though carved by the cruel hands of time.

"Hui lai duo dian!" Grandma says to me as I get into the car. I nod my head obediently without thinking.

Grandpa looks at dad and remarks laughingly, "it's not even 24 hours since you've arrived!" Dad smiles. I had never felt less like smiling as I felt now. It was as though an icy hand had gripped my whole heart. Hot tears prickle my eyes. One whole year and we couldn't even spend a whole day with the people who raised and gave me my mother.. Why had I spent my time in their house smsing and listening to my iPod? Precious time.. which could have been spent listening and conversing with them.. telling them about God.. If they died without knowing the gospel, I would never ever be able to see them again forever.. for all eternity.. Oh God, how I regret..

Dad backs our car out of the driveway. Grandpa and grandma wave frantically at us, biding us goodbye. I wave back. Mum, as usual, starts tearing. Through the background of her sobs, I continue waving until they are out of sight. To them, my wave is just a goodbye.. but to me, it signifies a promise-- a promise to myself and to God, to go back more often, to share with them the greatest Love they would ever know.

"What is life if full of care..
We have no time to stand and stare.."

Thank you Lord for reminding me once again of these famous lines. Thank you for reminding me once again, that there are some things in life that are infinitely more precious and important than pursuing my dreams and just loving the people around me.. I needed to learn to care more.. and share more too..

Silence

I sit in your silence,
Waiting..
Feelings beyond my grasp,
Wavering..

Regardless of the anguish in the heart,
This waiting that has become an art,
Can never come to an end.

The ironic twisting of this destiny,
Has wrought out the sorrow of this story,
I remain, always and forever, only your friend.

I sit in your silence,
And quietly love..
I sit in your silence,
And quietly leave.

For love takes two,
But this silence, only belongs to you..

Haven't tried writing poetry in a long time-- had nothing to write about anyway. Hope this speaks to some of you.

Certainty

Had an unexpectedly fun day. Intriguing to see how each house reflects the decorator's personality and tastes. A peep into another's life-- really does make one realise the serenity and beauty of others' lives, and reflect on one's own, and wonder what is missing and vice-versa. Haven't laughed so much in such a long time.. feels good =)

I've been perusing through this book-- Persuasion. A phrase caught my eye( actually it was underlined to me by the movie Lake House)--

"There could not have been two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison, no countenances so beloved.."

How poignant. What certainty and conviction were these lines written with. Will I ever have feelings of such depth that to live without that someone would be worse than death? Do I want to have such feelings? Am I capable of them? Will the one I want to love love me the same way? To feel with such conviction, to say--"this is the one" with all certainty, surely that is what love is all about. Or is it not?