guess birthdays are always a sensitive time for me... always the painful jolt to reality- well you offered this much of yourself, so you can only expect this much... there is no one to be blamed but me. And yet i dont suppose it's a terrible turn of events- just... reality. Reality i chose. A quiet life, much family, few beloved friends, good books, sweet music. I think i know why God wanted me born on this day- to realise that it really truly is not about me.
Happy birthday Jesus. Thank you for being born. Thank you for your love, for always being there. Jesus you deserve the best... and on this day- I really do hope you'll be happy. Merry Christmas! Hugs.
Saturday 25 December 2010
Monday 20 December 2010
pure and lovely
It has been an interesting weekend away with my extended family, far from cumbersome cares of the world and society's demands of who and what you should be. So many thoughts rush through my mind as I hasten to pen my reflections down now...
We do not realise how sorely we need rest, until we allow ourselves to. I've always had a liking for hotels (I think most of us do) and until you rest your head on that soft pillow and surround yourself with that wonderful invention called a comforter in every sense of the word to take an afternoon nap, you never realise how welcome that short repose was until you awaken, refreshed. But that's not the point of this post.
During this retreat, there were 2 great aims- one plainly obvious, one unconscious, even to myself. If you've been reading this before you know of my maternal grandma grandpa in Malacca, who have yet to accept Jesus into their hearts. Since last year, my family has been making a conscious effort to share Christ with them by holding our own service, since they find the ones in church such a bore. At least when loved ones speak, one is compelled to listen. That's our reasoning anyway. So we were holding our service in the hotel room, and my aunt shared. A former devout Buddhist, she accept Christ only a few months back (I'm not exactly sure when). It was difficult times then, my autistic cousin was newly diagnosed with type 1 Diabetes Mellitus, and my uncle was struggling to make a living. My cousin was hospitalised and his blood glucose fluctuated wildly- the doctors predicted a 2-month stay in the hospital. I imagine my aunt fearful, worried, as any mother would be. Her aunt called from Australia, and being a christian, offered to pray for her. And with that prayer, my aunt's salvation was sealed, as the Holy Spirit brought her peace through the voice of a faithful daughter across the ocean, peace that transcended all understanding, even in the face of uncertainty. My cousin's blood glucose levels miraculously stabilised, and he left the hospital after 8 days. =) My uncle, striving to make ends meet for a family that sorely needed him, was working in another state, and my aunt preferred the family together under one roof, which was only natural. So she prayed and prayed, and my uncle, non-believer he was, heard a small voice by his ear, telling him to go back go back go back to his family, and after many days, he left for home, to her great joy. To top it all, she herself was blessed with much business as a hotel manager, and found herself managing to hit her quota for the year despite the odds and nearing deadline. As my aunt shared from her heart, her words borne from a grateful heart touched all who heard, and more than one set of eyes brimmed over, believer and non-believers alike.
As I listened to her speak, I saw, as though through a veil, a world painted eloquently by a womanly soul, whom I had not especially esteemed before- a world in which I had no part to play as of yet. My aunt had been a pretty girl when she dated my uncle and now was still a pretty woman. But the beauty lay deeper within. The deference in her voice as she shared to my grandpa and grandma, the loving way she called them father mother, and the sincerity in which she explained her prayers for them, struck me, once again, with the realisation that marriage is not mere romance and happily ever afters. That with marriage, comes a new set of parents, new responsibilities and new people to love as your own. My aunt, though with no great ambitions and wordly achievements, faithfully fulfilled her calling as a wife, mother and daughter, never drawing the distinction between those who were her kin and those who were only kin by marriage. "A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall be made one flesh". Yes I know for all purposes and intents this verse does not quite apply here, but somehow it feels right to put it here to remind myself in the future- that his father shall be my father, and his mother be my mother, and I to love and honour them the same way I would my own parents.
I spoke of 2 great aims- the second being, the renewal and refining of my own soul and spirit. I had not admitted the weariness of my soul, even to myself, thinking that it was because I had not yet satisfied my longing for close family companionship after the year-long separation. But the truth is, I think I needed my Father, not just to help me in my times of need as He has been faithful, but also to be with me. I needed quiet time. I need quiet time. I'd read the daily bread, read the Bible dutifully, but not spent the purifying, refreshing time I needed with Him. The dear old truths in my beloved classics, that forever ring true in the old and the new, reminded me of that. Anyway, I spent the weekend perusing through Eight cousins and Rose in bloom, two of my favourite Alcott classics, and was again reminded of the desire to be 'good', in every sense of the word. Call me old-fashioned, but I still believe that a woman's highest calling is to be a comfort and joy in every home whose doorstep she treads, to be a blessing to everyone she meets, to inspire men to be better than who they are- not through promise of love, but through sincere admiration of godly character. And lofty ambition though it is, I haven't been doing that. At all. I haven't even been thinking about it for the longest time. And the reason that I haven't- I think, is because I haven't been spending time with the Daddy who would inspire such thoughts. Pure and lovely thoughts.
Time to begin again. What better time, with Christmas a-beckoning and the New Year around the corner?
Note to self: Don't crave the praises of many, but the sincere love of those who matter.
To Joshua, who may never read this: I'm truly sorry I hurt you. I hope we still are friends.
p.s. jensen remember your promise =)
We do not realise how sorely we need rest, until we allow ourselves to. I've always had a liking for hotels (I think most of us do) and until you rest your head on that soft pillow and surround yourself with that wonderful invention called a comforter in every sense of the word to take an afternoon nap, you never realise how welcome that short repose was until you awaken, refreshed. But that's not the point of this post.
During this retreat, there were 2 great aims- one plainly obvious, one unconscious, even to myself. If you've been reading this before you know of my maternal grandma grandpa in Malacca, who have yet to accept Jesus into their hearts. Since last year, my family has been making a conscious effort to share Christ with them by holding our own service, since they find the ones in church such a bore. At least when loved ones speak, one is compelled to listen. That's our reasoning anyway. So we were holding our service in the hotel room, and my aunt shared. A former devout Buddhist, she accept Christ only a few months back (I'm not exactly sure when). It was difficult times then, my autistic cousin was newly diagnosed with type 1 Diabetes Mellitus, and my uncle was struggling to make a living. My cousin was hospitalised and his blood glucose fluctuated wildly- the doctors predicted a 2-month stay in the hospital. I imagine my aunt fearful, worried, as any mother would be. Her aunt called from Australia, and being a christian, offered to pray for her. And with that prayer, my aunt's salvation was sealed, as the Holy Spirit brought her peace through the voice of a faithful daughter across the ocean, peace that transcended all understanding, even in the face of uncertainty. My cousin's blood glucose levels miraculously stabilised, and he left the hospital after 8 days. =) My uncle, striving to make ends meet for a family that sorely needed him, was working in another state, and my aunt preferred the family together under one roof, which was only natural. So she prayed and prayed, and my uncle, non-believer he was, heard a small voice by his ear, telling him to go back go back go back to his family, and after many days, he left for home, to her great joy. To top it all, she herself was blessed with much business as a hotel manager, and found herself managing to hit her quota for the year despite the odds and nearing deadline. As my aunt shared from her heart, her words borne from a grateful heart touched all who heard, and more than one set of eyes brimmed over, believer and non-believers alike.
As I listened to her speak, I saw, as though through a veil, a world painted eloquently by a womanly soul, whom I had not especially esteemed before- a world in which I had no part to play as of yet. My aunt had been a pretty girl when she dated my uncle and now was still a pretty woman. But the beauty lay deeper within. The deference in her voice as she shared to my grandpa and grandma, the loving way she called them father mother, and the sincerity in which she explained her prayers for them, struck me, once again, with the realisation that marriage is not mere romance and happily ever afters. That with marriage, comes a new set of parents, new responsibilities and new people to love as your own. My aunt, though with no great ambitions and wordly achievements, faithfully fulfilled her calling as a wife, mother and daughter, never drawing the distinction between those who were her kin and those who were only kin by marriage. "A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall be made one flesh". Yes I know for all purposes and intents this verse does not quite apply here, but somehow it feels right to put it here to remind myself in the future- that his father shall be my father, and his mother be my mother, and I to love and honour them the same way I would my own parents.
I spoke of 2 great aims- the second being, the renewal and refining of my own soul and spirit. I had not admitted the weariness of my soul, even to myself, thinking that it was because I had not yet satisfied my longing for close family companionship after the year-long separation. But the truth is, I think I needed my Father, not just to help me in my times of need as He has been faithful, but also to be with me. I needed quiet time. I need quiet time. I'd read the daily bread, read the Bible dutifully, but not spent the purifying, refreshing time I needed with Him. The dear old truths in my beloved classics, that forever ring true in the old and the new, reminded me of that. Anyway, I spent the weekend perusing through Eight cousins and Rose in bloom, two of my favourite Alcott classics, and was again reminded of the desire to be 'good', in every sense of the word. Call me old-fashioned, but I still believe that a woman's highest calling is to be a comfort and joy in every home whose doorstep she treads, to be a blessing to everyone she meets, to inspire men to be better than who they are- not through promise of love, but through sincere admiration of godly character. And lofty ambition though it is, I haven't been doing that. At all. I haven't even been thinking about it for the longest time. And the reason that I haven't- I think, is because I haven't been spending time with the Daddy who would inspire such thoughts. Pure and lovely thoughts.
Time to begin again. What better time, with Christmas a-beckoning and the New Year around the corner?
Note to self: Don't crave the praises of many, but the sincere love of those who matter.
To Joshua, who may never read this: I'm truly sorry I hurt you. I hope we still are friends.
p.s. jensen remember your promise =)
Monday 13 December 2010
sleepless nights
morningless days...not good.
should i? shouldn't i? God? Anything you would like to say?
should i? shouldn't i? God? Anything you would like to say?
Monday 6 December 2010
amazing love
Thank you for answering my prayer.
Thank you for passing me.
How greedy the human heart... God help me to be content...
Great is your faithfulness.
Thank you for passing me.
How greedy the human heart... God help me to be content...
Great is your faithfulness.
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