Gift

beta blocker

You bring me peace like no drug can.
I want to keep holding onto that peace.

The biggest waves are yet to come, but you are a faithful God.
Will I be a faithful follower?

Faith-Full. Huh.

weakness

自卑感四方八面袭击而来, 身价一落千丈...
but you still counted me worthy.
痛, 可是你的痛更深, 更伤.
i know that you are for me
i know that you will never forsake me in my weakness

幸福, 因为我不配拥有, 变得更可贵.

lessons

Prayer is not a waste of time.

People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care.

Beauty comes from you.

When times seem darkest, your light shines brightest.

I would rather that my heart be without words, than my words be without heart.

"To think that the universe could not contain your glory, yet you chose to live in me."

sigh.

the calm before the storm

what boils beneath the calm exterior?

My rock in the tempestuous ocean
As long as I keep my eyes on you
you will lead me to the right path

Father, let my gaze not falter.

God you are, have been, and always will be.
So amazingly constant.
So constantly amazing.

何必寻找所谓的天堂
原来我因为你
不想再去流浪
情愿平凡
不拥有一切也无妨
有了你 在心上
已然是天堂

Thank You for giving me a taste of heaven.
Sort these muddles out, Lord, in your name.

protection

想从前的憧憬
想从前的爱情
想从前的恩怨
都走了

想现在的平静
想现在的爱情
想现在的幸福
要珍惜

再想
神, 一直都在

lo, I am with you, even until the end of time.

so what if you're not the best?

Not great. but good enough.
Many things matter, but some things matter more than others.

Priorities are important yes?
So let's get this straight:
I have a great God, a great family, a great boyfriend, a great girlfriend and pretty great books.
I have good grades, good housemates, good food, good elective, good life.

Father teach me contentment.

once again

help.

the power of the mouth

God spoke creation into being.
I am His child.
Now, I speak.

if you are faithful in little

HE will be faithful in MUCH.

Thank you God, for showing me that one simple prayer, can move mountains.
Thank you, for being good and faithful.

learning to say no

negative.
no.
不.

the promised land

I wonder how it felt like to be Moses, leading people out of Egypt on the glimmer of hope that one day he would bring them all into the promised land. I wonder what kind of faith he must have had. It is easy to look in retrospect and say the promised land was worth it all, but the process must have been gruelling. Really, blessed are those who continue on when there is no end in sight, and even more blessed are those who strive on with no promised gift in mind but the smile on their Daddy's face. It makes you wonder where your priorities really truly lie.

I want my Daddy to be happy, but can I be shallow and say I want to go to the land flowing with milk and honey as well? =)

She stands at the edge of the blithely laughing crowd and wonders if the day will come when she would no longer be on the outside, looking in. A quiet voice asks, "Does it matter so much?"

It would make that moment in time happier, but no, I guess not.

I miss penning my thoughts down.

Grace

It feels as though I just owe too much, and try too little, so much so that it becomes so tiring to try and make up for it. Can I just stop, please?

With God it's easy, you know you don't need to try, because He told me His grace is sufficient for me.

But the thing is, what do you do when it's men then?

i choose to believe

我知道, 你在告诉我, 要相信我, 放轻松...

孩子向爸爸要礼物, 是天经地义, 不需要苦苦哀求.

How great You are

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
I'm caught in your grace

God of my forever, thank you.

Tempestous

There is a longing deep inside my heart
A raging tempest only You can still

Father God You have shown me the evils of speaking ill, the hurt an innocent comment can cause. Guard my tongue too Lord, that I may not sin against You and men.

Sometimes when life gets too busy and you're turning blue in the face just trying to catch up, you tend to stand back and reevaluate life as you know it. And more often than not, you start to wonder if this is the way life was meant to be. Deep inside us, we all have the longing to be part of something bigger than ourselves, something that will count when all else fades away, but few of us find it, and even fewer of us hold onto it.

Heart, despite the tempest, will you hold on?

顾虑

不知不觉中, 上帝好像从我生命的一切, 变成了我生命的一部分. 我知道我需要他, 但不是时时刻刻, 分分秒秒. 用了好久的时间, 我终于向自己承认了.

大家都说每一份感情都有四季, 不是吗? 单纯的春天, 热情的夏天, 诗意的秋天, 冰冷的冬天. 也许现在天父与我的感情已逼近冬天了吧... Soul, be patient. 冬天走了, 又是春天了...

是时候成熟了.

choices

We have choices. We have freedom.

This semester, I want to grow. With You, with you. Grow in spirit, in knowledge, in inner beauty, in courage.

The tide is coming in, but we have a choice. We always do.

beauty

There is something about shopping that makes you feel insecure. The commercial world preys on your inner insecurities, convincing you that you will be pretty enough only when you have this or that.

1 Peter 3:3-4 Your beauty should not be the outward adornment of arranging of the hair, of wearing gold, or of putting on fine apparel; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

I want that ornament.

the heavy cloud

shake it off. shake it off. shake it off.

almost too much to handle

I feel the storm coming, that whirlwind that will sweep me off my feet and leave me gasping for air. I can't stop fast forwarding in my mind and thinking of the endless list of things that need to be done. The palpitations just won't stop. And I know it's not the way it's supposed to be.

The heart is willing, but the flesh is weak. Why do I not do the things that I should do, but the things that I do not want to do I do?

Father.

Breathe. Just breathe. I need my God. Calm down.

沉默

始终 离不开多愁善感
沉默 成了习惯性的答案

明明彼此珍惜
明明拥有幸福
让沉默淹没罪恶感

别emo了! 没营养!

salt and light

Heart, be at peace. In Christ, there is no fear, no condemnation. Heart, why do you worry?

Peace.

Be still my soul.

paeds

A lifelong dream. Lord what do you say?

No negative thoughts.

The joy of the Lord is my strength. Powerful words.

there has to be a limit

There is a limit to how kiasu one can be, and I think I've reached my limit. Enough.

I am so blessed to have electives, and parents supportive enough to finance my travel dreams. Yet I am discontent because I want the best. Wanting the best is good, but I have allowed it to consume me, and I did not realise it until I searched the internet once more in a frenzy, seeking more and more electives at renowned medical schools. The medical school does not make a good doctor, the student and her Father does. And that is the vision. O my soul, why do you fret then? Silly me...

Father, remind me constantly, lest I forget you.
What would I be without you?
What would I be?

God, church. You know what I mean, so Father, help us.

Consuming fire, fan into flame
a passion for Your name

A godly woman.
Heart, have you forgotten so quickly?
Stay with me.

forgiveness

it takes effort to not bear a grudge.

forgiveness is not an unconscious act.

so loved

that i should love more. given so much, that i might give more. will i give my best?

discontent

is dangerous. I want to be good, I want to be better.

And it's good to want to be good. But why do I want to be good? For the patients' sake? Or for my own ego?

Heart, where do you lie? My treasure is with you too..

God, grant that my treasure will be in the right place.

hurtful

sigh. i will always have reason to praise.

3am with psychiatry

1. I never knew there would be a time where I disliked writing until people invented assignments. 2. Babies are magical. Children are magical. Will I still love them as much when they're mine? Will I love them enough to spend my whole life treating them? 3. Serving in church tests your pride, your patience and faith. 4. I want to learn to not be hurt by little things. Break my heart, for what breaks Yours. 5. I want to listen more, speak less.

the fruit of the spirit

patience, kindness, goodness. Lord teach me to be kind.

too late

to apologise.

mirror mirror hanging on the wall

have you ever felt as though you don't like yourself one bit at all? Like no matter how you try to change, you're still that same old person?

Yet You love me, when I am so unlovely.

Father, take my pride, my insecurities, my selfishness, all the ugliness within me, take them away. Rebuke me. Change me.

what matters the most

i always forget.

So caught up with the humdrum of every day life. What would it all matter when tribulation comes? Have I been laying up treasures in heaven? Have I been loving? Have I been obedient? Have I been faithful?

Served in children's worship today. Was just thinking... If I was one of them, it would be so much easier to conform and sit down with the rest, than to stand up and be one of the very few, even at times the only one following the weird jie jie in front do actions that make me look silly. Do I love God? Or do I love man more? Will I love the children because I'm hoping they'll love me back? Or will I love them because they are God's children? Even if there is only one child in the whole room who will worship God, then I will lead her. God give me strength!

In band, in church, I always feel thrown to the keyboard. A small defiant voice always asks- why the keyboard when you say I have a nice voice? And everytime I am humbled. Not because of who I am, but because of what You've done.

自创

还要走多远 我们才会柳暗花明
还要等多久 我们才会雨过天晴
我 开始累了

他们说在一起是一份注定
那我相信离别也是
我们曾拥有的那一份肯定
随着你的承诺流失

单恋你爱上你想念你
埋怨你生气你讨厌你
胜不过你的对不起

还需要修. 不写了.

Who else do I have but You. You are enough.

greater dreams

dream bigger.

they fight so hard to realise their dream. All I need is right in front of me. I just need to see more, read more, do more, ask more, experience more.

Remain true to your calling.

What you gonna do with the 36 cents
sticky with coke on your floorboard
when a woman on the street is huddled in the cold
on a sidewalk then trying to keep warm

Do you call her over
Hand her the change
Ask her her story
Ask her her name

Or do you tell yourself...
You're just a fool just a fool to believe you can change the world~
-carrie underwood-

keep trying.

what is it about psychiatry

1. The patients are so clearly in a world of their own. Not that you don't exist, because you do, but their world does too, but you can't see it.

2. Insight-oriented psychotherapy. I know it's for the better, but I wonder how does it feel to find out you're crazy.

3. The heartbreak when the child psychiatrist tells you your child is "slow"/"different"/"needs help"/"special".

4. I would like to feel the happiness of mania. Doing a lot of goal-oriented activity isn't a bad idea.

5. If I took the dextroamphetamine meant for the ADHD kid, would I be able to concentrate better too?

goodbye...

baby girl.
I'll see you again some day.
I hope you find a good mummy.

the tongue

should be minded.

a simple hug

She shows me what it means to love, with one simple hug.
I need to love more.

Love God, love people, love life.
Love medicine.

谣言止于智者.

不想

是时候不再在意, 你是否在意我.

这个世界, 还好大.

在乎

我真的, 在乎我们的结果.

passion

I've been updating myself with gray's anatomy these days. A recurring theme keeps being played on the screen- passion. Not the lusty romantic passion, though there's no denying that there's lots of that too, but the passion for surgery, for medicine. They compete to get the most difficult cases, the most inoperable tumors, the most inexplicable conditions, their own solo surgeries. Even though it is fiction, it just makes one wonder- where has my passion gone? Was it ever there? I cannot tell you how much I admire their guts- to read the text, the procedures, and to calmly carry it out on a human being. Knowledge into action.

I've always thought I had passion for people, and that medicine was just the way by means I cared for the people, but now I've come to realise that I think we need to have passion for the art of medicine itself as well. Not to say I have it, but it seems to be worth trying for.

The other day I received a message that was bewilderingly hurtful. The one time I thought I handled things well, dealt with it by the book... In some battles of life, it's not always the supposed 'victor' who pens history, in some battles, it's the other party who will always have the right, because they 'lost'. But really, there are two sides to every story. Just that not every side is told. Ah well... if we hurt, it's because we care right? Can't be that bad then... and in the larger scheme of things, all these will too, soon be over.

Again, the beginning of a new year. Year 4. The pregnant ladies, the babies, the psychotics, the chronically ill... I'm scared. There are rumors of an upheaval too. Could be for the better, or for worse. The church I'm starting to find my roots in- where should I serve? How much time can I put in?

Speaking of which- praise report. I thought I failed my exams. I didn't. And God gave me good marks. Hallelujah.

"In royal robes, I don't deserve, I live to serve your majesty." Hmmm...

Pastor keeps talking about the Lord's prayer, about how we praise and adore, before we ask. Yet my prayers are always the other way around. More of You, and less of me, in the new year.

it's a beautiful day

it really is. Despite falling sick, despite that awkward silence in the car when I said things I shouldn't have, despite receiving that hurtful message, it still is.

Lord, give me tact.

with you...

...i feels like i could run till my last breath, then run some more.
...i want to taste, see, hear, breathe new things in this world.
...i'm happy.

Father, may it always be that i love You more.

issues

Yes yes I've been watching too much gray's anatomy. I have issues. Which I shouldn't have, because I've had a perfectly blessed childhood with too much love, if that was possible...

I see you driving downtown with the guy I love, and I'm like... forget you~ Why is that song playing now??

Stupid issues.

Productivity. Post partum care. Now that's a piece of cake I can sink my teeth into.