passion

I've been updating myself with gray's anatomy these days. A recurring theme keeps being played on the screen- passion. Not the lusty romantic passion, though there's no denying that there's lots of that too, but the passion for surgery, for medicine. They compete to get the most difficult cases, the most inoperable tumors, the most inexplicable conditions, their own solo surgeries. Even though it is fiction, it just makes one wonder- where has my passion gone? Was it ever there? I cannot tell you how much I admire their guts- to read the text, the procedures, and to calmly carry it out on a human being. Knowledge into action.

I've always thought I had passion for people, and that medicine was just the way by means I cared for the people, but now I've come to realise that I think we need to have passion for the art of medicine itself as well. Not to say I have it, but it seems to be worth trying for.

The other day I received a message that was bewilderingly hurtful. The one time I thought I handled things well, dealt with it by the book... In some battles of life, it's not always the supposed 'victor' who pens history, in some battles, it's the other party who will always have the right, because they 'lost'. But really, there are two sides to every story. Just that not every side is told. Ah well... if we hurt, it's because we care right? Can't be that bad then... and in the larger scheme of things, all these will too, soon be over.

Again, the beginning of a new year. Year 4. The pregnant ladies, the babies, the psychotics, the chronically ill... I'm scared. There are rumors of an upheaval too. Could be for the better, or for worse. The church I'm starting to find my roots in- where should I serve? How much time can I put in?

Speaking of which- praise report. I thought I failed my exams. I didn't. And God gave me good marks. Hallelujah.

"In royal robes, I don't deserve, I live to serve your majesty." Hmmm...

Pastor keeps talking about the Lord's prayer, about how we praise and adore, before we ask. Yet my prayers are always the other way around. More of You, and less of me, in the new year.