1. i have amazing housemates.
2. i have wonderful permanent residents.
3. surgeons aren't exactly the nicest people in the world, but they command respect.
4. God has answered my prayer again.
5. I will be content.
6. Did I tell you my boyfriend is the most patient, kindest person in the world?
7. He really is.
8. With God, these 4-5 months in surgery will count for something.
9. i will be compassionate and think for my patients.
10. i love my family to bits.
11. i will not judge.
12. i will be secure.
Friday, 9 July 2010
Sunday, 27 June 2010
Wednesday, 9 June 2010
when it's all about me
this is what happens. Seriously. What were you thinking Rachel Ooi. Screamed enough, cried enough, it's enough.
right now i really can hardly breathe.
i need to continue ranting. why don't i care enough anymore? where is your passion? really, it's time to stop doing things for myself. He is no fool who loses what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose. pride, into the trash you go.
confidence.
It's time to put your foot down. It's time to start believing and trusting.
Take a chance
walk that dance.
i think a teratoma is not a bad thing to be.
right now i really can hardly breathe.
i need to continue ranting. why don't i care enough anymore? where is your passion? really, it's time to stop doing things for myself. He is no fool who loses what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose. pride, into the trash you go.
confidence.
It's time to put your foot down. It's time to start believing and trusting.
Take a chance
walk that dance.
i think a teratoma is not a bad thing to be.
Saturday, 5 June 2010
street feeding
I woke up at 630am on a Saturday morning. A rare occasion, unless it was one of those days where I was semangat enough to go practice venepuncture at the outpatient clinic. Which has only happened once.
It was almost surreal walking along the street in the early morning, looking for homeless people to give food to. It's even surreal writing about it, I'm not sure why. I'm amazed that this programme is the brainchild of my contemporaries- a simple idea- to go out, feed a few hungry mouths, engage them in conversation, identify their needs, come up with a long-term solution for their problems.
People need people. One of them teared up as we spoke to him- a drinker husband chased out of his home. I guess he just needed someone to talk to. I was just thinking- I think it's so nice of me to sacrifice my sleep to feed a few homeless people, but it takes so much more courage and humility on their part to accept the offering, to admit they need help.
I keep telling myself- it's just a week more. A week more before I go back to being princess in my own home, to be surrounded by all my family comfort and love. Will I make this week worthwhile? Will I concentrate on trusting and pleasing my Daddy this week?
"Right now I can hardly breathe.."
"You can do it, just know that I believe.."
"And that's all I really need~"
"So come on, it's time to turn it up~"
Game on =)
It was almost surreal walking along the street in the early morning, looking for homeless people to give food to. It's even surreal writing about it, I'm not sure why. I'm amazed that this programme is the brainchild of my contemporaries- a simple idea- to go out, feed a few hungry mouths, engage them in conversation, identify their needs, come up with a long-term solution for their problems.
People need people. One of them teared up as we spoke to him- a drinker husband chased out of his home. I guess he just needed someone to talk to. I was just thinking- I think it's so nice of me to sacrifice my sleep to feed a few homeless people, but it takes so much more courage and humility on their part to accept the offering, to admit they need help.
I keep telling myself- it's just a week more. A week more before I go back to being princess in my own home, to be surrounded by all my family comfort and love. Will I make this week worthwhile? Will I concentrate on trusting and pleasing my Daddy this week?
"Right now I can hardly breathe.."
"You can do it, just know that I believe.."
"And that's all I really need~"
"So come on, it's time to turn it up~"
Game on =)
Saturday, 22 May 2010
thoughts
Cell lesson spoke today. Deeply.
I never would've thought of it, but I guess I was feeling it. The spirit of heaviness, enfolding me. I see it so clearly in my previous post.
Not heaviness, but the spirit of praise.
Ashes to beauty.
Sorrow to joy.
I hear Dr Sivalal's voice in my head, "be more positive!"
So God help me.
p/s I'm excited about kids' ministry =)
I never would've thought of it, but I guess I was feeling it. The spirit of heaviness, enfolding me. I see it so clearly in my previous post.
Not heaviness, but the spirit of praise.
Ashes to beauty.
Sorrow to joy.
I hear Dr Sivalal's voice in my head, "be more positive!"
So God help me.
p/s I'm excited about kids' ministry =)
Wednesday, 19 May 2010
the fog's coming
washing over me
i know i can't let it take control
not now
not ever actually
i want to stand in the gap
between the living and the dead
give me a heart of compassion
for a world without vision
i need you
teach me to lean on you
i can't do it without you
father take the fog away
brush away the darkness like only you can
it's too much
the silence muffling my desperate scream
shine your light
lead the way
i know i can't let it take control
not now
not ever actually
i want to stand in the gap
between the living and the dead
give me a heart of compassion
for a world without vision
i need you
teach me to lean on you
i can't do it without you
father take the fog away
brush away the darkness like only you can
it's too much
the silence muffling my desperate scream
shine your light
lead the way
Monday, 17 May 2010
I can only imagine
Surrounded by Your glory
what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus
or in awe of you be still?
Here I sit on a rainy Monday morning, freezing. I've been meaning to blog for a century or so, but never had the time or the words. Not like I do now... but still... surely a whole posting in medicine has to merit 1 post.
Let me paint you a picture. It's a hot Tuesday morning, the sunlight streaming in through the window panes and thin cotton curtains. A girl walks in, hair bunched into a messy ponytail, looking slightly flustered and half-asleep. You wonder how she manages under that thick, slightly stained lab coat of hers and read her nametag- medical student. She enters the busy bustling hospital ward filled with patients of all races and medical personnel on their ward rounds, too busy to even spare her a glance. Not that she was worth looking at or listening to, at any rate. She goes over to the disarray of patient files carelessly put at a corner, reaches out for a few patient files, reads a couple, running her finger over the almost illegible handwriting and suddenly she stops, her finger at a standstill. She looks up and locates the bed at which the particular patient is lying. The patient feels her stare and returns it. She bites her lip, smiles tentatively at the patient, breathes a quick prayer, and nears the patient with fake bravado, all the while quaking in her shoes. In broken Malay she tries her best to speak to the patient and make him feel at his ease. After 15 minutes or so, she has exhausted all her questions. She then asks if she could examine him. The patient looks ready to refuse, but seeing her pleading gaze, he sighs and allows. She closes the curtains and observes the patient. The patient shuts his eyes in silent resignation. She reaches out for his hand and the rigmarole begins. Five minutes later she shoves open the curtains and heartily thanks the patient. The patient thanks her, and they both breathe a sigh of relief. As she walks away she again feels the weight of her inadequacy of knowledge and skill.
Haha I read back and realise I've painted such a sombre picture. It isn't. Talking to patients is fun I think, just not so much when it comes to their medical condition. At least that's what I feel...
Things I've learnt this year
1. you can never stop learning
2. I can go longer without shopping than I ever thought I could
3. I don't know how to manage studies and friendship together
4. I can't live without family
5. Dr. DeBakey only slept 2 hours every night
6. I don't know how to socialise
7. I can cook without burning the kitchen and the food
8. you can never love enough
9. I can't manage without God
10. I should stop trying to
11. I think pj is the best place on earth
12. you can't learn medicine in 4 months
13. I hate ironing clothes
14. I don't try enough to show people I care
15. I need to try harder, care more
16. I thank God and mummy I can speak mandarin
17. I miss my grandma so much
18. Teh ais is one of the best drinks in the world
19. I am so loved.
20. Jesus didn't have favourites, John just recognised that he was loved by Him.
And off I go to the wards again... so you're not alone. =)
what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus
or in awe of you be still?
Here I sit on a rainy Monday morning, freezing. I've been meaning to blog for a century or so, but never had the time or the words. Not like I do now... but still... surely a whole posting in medicine has to merit 1 post.
Let me paint you a picture. It's a hot Tuesday morning, the sunlight streaming in through the window panes and thin cotton curtains. A girl walks in, hair bunched into a messy ponytail, looking slightly flustered and half-asleep. You wonder how she manages under that thick, slightly stained lab coat of hers and read her nametag- medical student. She enters the busy bustling hospital ward filled with patients of all races and medical personnel on their ward rounds, too busy to even spare her a glance. Not that she was worth looking at or listening to, at any rate. She goes over to the disarray of patient files carelessly put at a corner, reaches out for a few patient files, reads a couple, running her finger over the almost illegible handwriting and suddenly she stops, her finger at a standstill. She looks up and locates the bed at which the particular patient is lying. The patient feels her stare and returns it. She bites her lip, smiles tentatively at the patient, breathes a quick prayer, and nears the patient with fake bravado, all the while quaking in her shoes. In broken Malay she tries her best to speak to the patient and make him feel at his ease. After 15 minutes or so, she has exhausted all her questions. She then asks if she could examine him. The patient looks ready to refuse, but seeing her pleading gaze, he sighs and allows. She closes the curtains and observes the patient. The patient shuts his eyes in silent resignation. She reaches out for his hand and the rigmarole begins. Five minutes later she shoves open the curtains and heartily thanks the patient. The patient thanks her, and they both breathe a sigh of relief. As she walks away she again feels the weight of her inadequacy of knowledge and skill.
Haha I read back and realise I've painted such a sombre picture. It isn't. Talking to patients is fun I think, just not so much when it comes to their medical condition. At least that's what I feel...
Things I've learnt this year
1. you can never stop learning
2. I can go longer without shopping than I ever thought I could
3. I don't know how to manage studies and friendship together
4. I can't live without family
5. Dr. DeBakey only slept 2 hours every night
6. I don't know how to socialise
7. I can cook without burning the kitchen and the food
8. you can never love enough
9. I can't manage without God
10. I should stop trying to
11. I think pj is the best place on earth
12. you can't learn medicine in 4 months
13. I hate ironing clothes
14. I don't try enough to show people I care
15. I need to try harder, care more
16. I thank God and mummy I can speak mandarin
17. I miss my grandma so much
18. Teh ais is one of the best drinks in the world
19. I am so loved.
20. Jesus didn't have favourites, John just recognised that he was loved by Him.
And off I go to the wards again... so you're not alone. =)
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