I know I've been holding back every time that twinge of envy comes when I read a facebook post on how they are living it up down there.
I know I still fiercely want my way when I look at my lists of hospitals and find it so difficult to delete it off my desktop.
I know I'm still in denial when I have to fight to get the words out on where and when I'm going next.
I know I'm not giving my all when I say Your will be done but say amen half-heartedly.
In this new year of fruitfulness and faithfulness, God tear this longing from my heart and plant a fresher, deeper longing for what You want. Truly You have gone before me and know that this is best for me. More of you and less of me, so that it might be easier to want what you want. It's hard to say it, but thank You, for reaching down and slamming the door in my face. For caring enough about puny little me to reach all the way down. I want to trust that Your plan is best.
I know I still fiercely want my way when I look at my lists of hospitals and find it so difficult to delete it off my desktop.
I know I'm still in denial when I have to fight to get the words out on where and when I'm going next.
I know I'm not giving my all when I say Your will be done but say amen half-heartedly.
In this new year of fruitfulness and faithfulness, God tear this longing from my heart and plant a fresher, deeper longing for what You want. Truly You have gone before me and know that this is best for me. More of you and less of me, so that it might be easier to want what you want. It's hard to say it, but thank You, for reaching down and slamming the door in my face. For caring enough about puny little me to reach all the way down. I want to trust that Your plan is best.
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