I've been thinking...

Lately I've been feeling very lethargic- probably like how William Shakespeare felt when he wrote Life's Brief Candle. I've often wondered why the education ministry chose to introduce this poem to us in form 5.

Tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow
Creeps from this petty pace from day to day
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
the way to dusty death.

Maybe because they thought it would be relevant- especially if you were one of those who attended tuition monday to friday from afternoon till night =P I've always thought this poem uses some very strong language (I didn't take english lit so pardon me if I'm wrong). Look at the 3rd line. Fool. FoOL. FOOL. Not a word to be taken lightly. It really got me thinking. Have I been a fool? Am I still a fool?

To my chagrin I can't give a vehement no.

To be honest, every time I surf through blogs and email and msn with you guys, I have to admit it, I envy you. Especially those studying abroad. The feeling creeps up on me and I quickly brush it off most of the time, but sometimes I entertain it, and it sucks me almost dry. Then I push it away. But the damage's been done. It's not that I'm not satisfied with what I have, I'm just... plain greedy. Pang Han you're so right. Hence I apply and apply, giving my aunt, my parents, Ms Jeanetta a considerable amount of trouble in the process. The months I have spent (and am still spending) applying, both for universities and scholarships... I'm so exhausted.

The last few days I've been poring over CNBC and StarOnline news. It just struck me just how MANY people there are out there, just trying to scrape a living.

-Look at the credit crunch problem. Citibank had to lay off TWENTY FOUR THOUSAND people (correct me if I'm wrong)! 24000 people are now jobless and unable to support their families. Plus the fact that US might be going into recession, and the current free fall status in the stock market. People are complaining about how undecisive and (forgive me) useless Bernanke is. Poor guy. I bet you he could use a little sympathy now.

-Look at Iraq. Sunnis fighting Shiites. Al-Qaeda fighting Sunnis. US fighting Al-Qaeda. Al-Qaeda, Sunnis and Shiites fighting US. (Once again, correct me if I'm wrong!!) And what do the US soldiers really want? They want to go home... my heart really goes out to them. But there's nothing to be done. If they leave, Iraq becomes a terrorist haven. If they don't, US loses more money. And LIVES! But the shit has hit the fan! I think the US has to stay to clean up the mess they created before leaving. Stop the fan from moving at least! They should never have gone in!!! But you know what people always say~ hindsight is always 20-20 vision =) Guilty as charged =P

-Look at the Gaza Strip. Israelis and Palestinians strapping themselves with bombs and hugging onto each other for dear life. People are DYING there. Just to make a point.
(OH! Just a random thought: I watched Powerpuff Girls just the other day with my cousin XD The people and the monsters were warring and protesting against each other. Havoc reigned. So who else had to step in? POWERPUFF GIRLS! =)
The people said they couldn't live if the monsters were there. The monsters said they couldn't live if the people were around. The people said they could never agree on anything with the monsters. The monsters said they could never agree on anything with the people. In the end, the people and monsters embraced each other and became good friends. Why? Because they agreed that they couldn't agree on anything! LOL. Maybe Bush should try watching Powerpuff for inspiration on his diplomatic efforts in Israel. =P )

Anyway, my point is. The world is BIG. There are people out there. Suffering from serious problems. Problems like poverty, oppression, discrimination, AIDS, cancer, abuse... And here we are, or rather here I am, emo-ing and arguing over petty questions like
"Who do you support? Clinton or Obama?"
"What course should I take?"
"Will I find true love?"
"Who do you like best? Wang Li Hom or Jay Chou?"
"Why am I so short?"
"How could he treat me like this?"

I am ashamed.

To think that just a few days ago, I was so tired. Tired of life in general. Tired of fighting. Tired of dreaming. Tired of trying to forgive and love again. So tired that I felt like asking God to take me home. There's nothing worth living for on this earth. I don't want to run the race. I just want to be with my Father, where He'd always comfort me and love me and there would be no pain or sorrow.

Then I heard this song on my computer:

Say the word and I will sing for You
Over oceans deep, I will follow
If each star was a song
And every breath of wind, praise
It would still fail by far to say
All my heart contains
I simply live
I simply live for You

To live is Christ. And I was literally begging to go home. When He hasn't fulfilled His work in me here. Imagine if God had gotten sick of my pleas and agreed.

So what's my conclusion? I'll quote from what we came up with at CCF:

God is COOL! =)

P.S. Sorry la Tink, I know it's all words!
P.P.S Nick if you want the song, it's called I Simply Live for You by Hillsong. =)