In reply to the previous post's comment

致：蓝尾巴

感情上的伤痕，结疤了
曾紧打的心结，解开了
只是即使痊愈得十全十美
疤痕抹不掉，回忆仍存在
剩下的是偶尔的伤感
片刻的寂寞

我并没那么的脆弱
我根本没有资格
身边太多关怀，太多呵护
我很庆幸，也很幸福
只是我很贪心

我不需要你的道歉
因为你没有冒犯
你的关心
却深深的震撼了我

原谅我冒昧问你
既然我的以前有个你
那你还存在我的现在中吗？

因为我跟你一样
都记挂着以前
你认识的那个我



P.S. 我说过我很贪心， 所以想知道的不只是你是否在我身边， 还想知道你是谁。=P

感触

深夜里， 感触总是特别多， 特别深。

天有点暗
云有点灰
大城市里有个小小的我

周围有点吵
心里有点静
满脑子里有挥不去的怀念

已不再想念你的微笑
已不再渴望你的温暖
已不需要你的怜爱
却惦记着我们走过的昨天

听了SHE
想问一个你答不到的问题
曾经爱过的你，最近还好吗？

写了那么多
想说一句你听不到的祝福
曾经爱过的你，要过得比我好！

也希望
你的寂寞
比我的更听话

Hellos and goodbyes...

How do you draw the line between caring for others and not getting hurt? Is there even a line, or are the two inseparable? No one wants to get hurt, but yet a life spent caring for yourself doesn't appeal as well... But once you put a little bit of yourself into someone else, you immediately become vulnerable.

Quoting Taylor Swift, "...he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar, the only one who's got enough of me to break my heart..."


So yeah... would you give enough of yourself, to take the plunge to care anyway? Or shy away? Or let's put it another way... Should you even take that plunge? Or should you shy away?

But thankfully, or unfortunately, there's a 3rd option. You automatically start caring, unconsciously or subconsciously... and you'll only find out how much you actually cared about that person/that cause when you get hurt in some way- through rejection, failure, or even, an innocent teasing comment...

Anyway, remember the initial stage of a friendship? When the two of you would be grasping at straws to find something to carry on the conversation, things would be a little awkward at times, and in your heart you'd be thinking 'this is such a waste of time'...

Then the ripening of the friendship, where everything's sunshine and four-leaf clovers, and you just can't stop talking... and in your heart you'd be thinking 'wow, she/he's such a nice friend to have!'
Lastly... no, not the breaking off (friendships, thankfully unlike most romantic relationships, have much longer lifespans)... but the part where the two of you hug and tear and swear eternal friendship, and part regretfully. Few years down the road, you probably won't even know which continent that person is living in. Once in a long while you chat on the phone/msn/skype, and the most commonly used phrase would be, "we should meet up sometime...", and chances are- you never would, unless one party has the heart enough to follow up.

Okay I've rambled long enough. I guess my point today is- what's the point in all this? In going through the process of a simple hello to a tearful farewell? In opening yourself up to hurt others and be hurt, intentionally or not? For the sake of the moment? To build character and be a better person? Just because that's what life is all about? So that one day we could look back and say wistfully, "those were the days..."? What's the **** point??

*Sighs*

There is a longing, only you can fill
A raging tempest, only you can still
My heart is thirsty Lord...





... Take me deeper.

Ouch

This song is so... profound. So sadly true.

MY JESUS
Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Then why do you look so much like the world?

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand

Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?

Who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side or fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet would stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despised the proud
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!

Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I want to be like my Jesus

Cry out

We watched this in uni on friday. If you're free, do watch it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnWeqHqo5_k&feature=related

I know it's random, but I love this song...

"Cry Out To Jesus"

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

When you're lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who suffers from being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

I'm talking to you...
Yes, you...
Give it a try...
Cry out to Jesus tonight...

Father... help me not to be blind and deaf to you.

About Caring

Sorry... am in one of emo moods again...

I think... subconsciously, unconsciously or even consciously, we all have our expectations of other people. In so many areas. Somehow, there are just some people whom you thought would care more about you, but they don't... and it hurts... Likewise, there are just some people whom you thought couldn't care less, but turns out they care about you more than you could ever imagine... And then you feel guilty for not caring for them as much, but at the same time you still wish those who didn't care about you cared more...

...and then I look towards the cross... and see the One who cared for me much more than anyone ever could...

...and wonder how come I cared about this even in the first place.

But I still do... do I even make sense?

BLEH... RACHEL STOP EMO-ING!!!

Oh look it's past midnight... Good Friday's over.

But its impact lasts forever.

Night.

Purpose and Passion

My blog posts have degenerated to weekly ones; hence the effect of medical school.

It's so easy to get caught up with the motions of everyday life, to see the same faces everyday-say hello and goodbye, and then to pray asking God to help you to impact the lives around you... and then to live the next day the exact same way you lived the day before.

Just for a moment... SLOW DOWN... STOP whatever you're doing... LOOK around you...
and think.

What is your purpose in life? Is your purpose all about you or about the people around you? Have you found one at all? Or will your purpose in life end up being your search for a purpose in life? How much do you care whether you have one? Fifty years down the road, will you be ashamed of the purpose you've chosen and wish you could start over? Will you try to hide behind a facade of lies then?

I love this passage from Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll.

'...Alice comes to a fork in the road and asks the Cheshire Cat which direction she should take. Cheshire cat says, "Well, that depends a great deal on where you'd like to go."
To which Alice replies, "I don't care much."
"Then it doesn't matter which way you walk," the Cat answers.'

Do you care about which direction you should take?

Oh God, channel my passion in the right direction, reveal to me Your purpose in this life.

I know this is random...
But quoting from John Eldredge in Wild at Heart:
"Not every woman wants a battle to fight, but every woman yearns to be fought for...
She wants to be more than noticed, she wants to be wanted.
She wants to be pursued...
Every woman wants to have a beauty to unveil. Not to conjure, but to unveil.
Most women feel the pressure to be beautiful from very young, but that is not what I speak of.
There is also a deep desire to simply and truly be the beauty, and be delighted in."

I think... a big part of being beautiful, is being able to appreciate the beauty around you- the beauty in a single glance, the beauty of a teardrop trickling off his cheek, the beauty in the labour of someone else, the beauty of a friendship without words, and the beauty in the poeple around you. I mean... that beauty has got to rub off you somehow right???

Father I don't want to sound pious... help me to mean this from the bottom of my heart... help me to delight in others (someone's got to do the delighting right... maybe that's my purpose XD).

For the benefit of people who were hoping for a normal update on my life-
Rachel is... passionately exhausted, and famous for sleeping in lectures =)

and OH... BIG NEWS... RACHEL IS GETTING BAPTISED THIS SUNDAY, 16TH MARCH 2008!!!


*****************************************************************************************************************
Guess what? I went to bed... but I felt as though I had to tell you about this. So here I am again =)

Just 2 days ago, our medical sociology lecturer brought in some disabled people for us to talk to. My group was visited by the mother of an intellectually challenged child who had William's Syndrome, which is almost like Down's Syndrome, but the children are overly friendly in this case. By the way, the child in question was not really a child- he was 21. His biggest interest at the moment? Girls. (According to his mum- we never got to meet him because he was too busy making new friends in the campus.)

ANYWAY, my point is, she told us about her struggle to raise her son up, and how distraught she was when she finally had him diagnosed. As she talked, the rest of us just kept silent... we didn't know what to say... There was a point where she had to fight to keep control of her emotions- her lips were trembling, her eyes were brimming... Imagine just how much she went through those 21 years. Yet she said, the Lord gives and takes away. WOW. Such faith. At the end of the session, before I left, I asked if I could hug her. When I put my arms around her, her tears spilled over. I wished so much... there was something else more concrete I could do... but maybe that's where it all starts, regardless of whether you're Christian or not? With a simple "I care..."?

Spirit touch Your church
Stir the hearts of men
Revive us Lord, with Your passion once again
I want to care for others
Like Jesus cared for me
Let your rain
fall upon me

And this time, Rachel is DEFINITELY going to bed. It's TWO!! Good night!!

P.S. Nick (Ng)... where have you been?? Rachel misses you =P

Don't ask me...

Don't ask me what I'm doing here when I should be falling dead asleep on my bed now... considering that I've been dreaming of that the whole day...

In the midst of the crowd
The hustle and bustle
A myriad of people, everywhere
They look at you
Blink at you
Walk towards you
And straight on
Then you realise
They never saw you in the first place

TADA!! Result of too much research and chocolate-high--> lousy poems that don't rhyme. Don't ask me why I wrote it.

You know how sometimes you're so caught up in the nitty gritty details of life and suddenly you realise a part of your life has slipped away without even saying goodbye?

I hope you don't.

" xxxxxxx will never appear on your chat list again."

Sigh...

And one should think long and hard before allowing anything to become a part of your life...
Unless you like hurting like hell when it's time to part. Don't ask me why I'm talking about this either.

Oh... I woke up towards the end of the medical sociology lecture this morning and what the lecturer caught my attention. One of the few sentences that I actually heard this morning XD

Quoting from Hubert Humphrey:
"The moral test of a government is how the government treats those who are in the dawn of life-- the children; those who are in the twilight of life-- the elderly; those who are in the shadows of life-- the sick, the needy and the handicapped."

I wonder... would our government pass the test?

Don't ask me what's the point of this post.

手，琴，心

看着手指在钢琴上跳舞
心里， 起了一番涟漪
心中， 多了一片感动

人与人之间的复杂
在钢琴上化为简单
只有心比心的亲密
指尖诉说着一个人的故事
太真挚， 不真实

手指与钢琴的缘分
一曲既终
钢琴无怨， 手指不悔
感动
意犹未尽
真正的意义
却已烟消云散

Summer has come and passed
wake me up when September ends~