I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory
what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus
or in awe of you be still?

Here I sit on a rainy Monday morning, freezing. I've been meaning to blog for a century or so, but never had the time or the words. Not like I do now... but still... surely a whole posting in medicine has to merit 1 post.

Let me paint you a picture. It's a hot Tuesday morning, the sunlight streaming in through the window panes and thin cotton curtains. A girl walks in, hair bunched into a messy ponytail, looking slightly flustered and half-asleep. You wonder how she manages under that thick, slightly stained lab coat of hers and read her nametag- medical student. She enters the busy bustling hospital ward filled with patients of all races and medical personnel on their ward rounds, too busy to even spare her a glance. Not that she was worth looking at or listening to, at any rate. She goes over to the disarray of patient files carelessly put at a corner, reaches out for a few patient files, reads a couple, running her finger over the almost illegible handwriting and suddenly she stops, her finger at a standstill. She looks up and locates the bed at which the particular patient is lying. The patient feels her stare and returns it. She bites her lip, smiles tentatively at the patient, breathes a quick prayer, and nears the patient with fake bravado, all the while quaking in her shoes. In broken Malay she tries her best to speak to the patient and make him feel at his ease. After 15 minutes or so, she has exhausted all her questions. She then asks if she could examine him. The patient looks ready to refuse, but seeing her pleading gaze, he sighs and allows. She closes the curtains and observes the patient. The patient shuts his eyes in silent resignation. She reaches out for his hand and the rigmarole begins. Five minutes later she shoves open the curtains and heartily thanks the patient. The patient thanks her, and they both breathe a sigh of relief. As she walks away she again feels the weight of her inadequacy of knowledge and skill.

Haha I read back and realise I've painted such a sombre picture. It isn't. Talking to patients is fun I think, just not so much when it comes to their medical condition. At least that's what I feel...

Things I've learnt this year
1. you can never stop learning
2. I can go longer without shopping than I ever thought I could
3. I don't know how to manage studies and friendship together
4. I can't live without family
5. Dr. DeBakey only slept 2 hours every night
6. I don't know how to socialise
7. I can cook without burning the kitchen and the food
8. you can never love enough
9. I can't manage without God
10. I should stop trying to
11. I think pj is the best place on earth
12. you can't learn medicine in 4 months
13. I hate ironing clothes
14. I don't try enough to show people I care
15. I need to try harder, care more
16. I thank God and mummy I can speak mandarin
17. I miss my grandma so much
18. Teh ais is one of the best drinks in the world
19. I am so loved.
20. Jesus didn't have favourites, John just recognised that he was loved by Him.

And off I go to the wards again... so you're not alone. =)