Trying to understand..

Monday, 10 December 2007

Everyday I love you

"Every Day I Love You"

I don't know, but I believe
That some things are meant to be
And that you'll make a better me
Everyday I love you
I never thought that dreams came true
But you showed me that they do
You know that I learn something new
Everyday I love you

'Cos I believe that destiny
Is out of our control (don't you know that I do)
And you'll never live until you love
With all your heart and soul.

It's a touch when I feel bad
It's a smile when I get mad
All the little things I am
Everyday I love you

Everyday I love you more
Everyday I love you

'Cos I believe that destiny
Is out of our control (don't you know that I do)
And you'll never live until you love
With all your heart and soul

If I asked would you say yes?
Together we're the very best
I know that I am truly blessed
Everyday I love you
And I'll give you my best
Everyday I love you

For those of you who were in the same A-Level class as I was, you guys know how much I loved this song... I was trying to get everyone to listen to it remember? =P

Once, this song held a very special meaning to me; now, it still does, but in a different way. I don't think Boyzone was a Christian band, but I guess some truths never die. Doing morning devotion today, 2 John 1:6 said And this is love: that we walk in obedience to His commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love. God equates obedience with love. Remember His greatest commandment? To love the Lord Your God with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The commandment that immediately follows it? To love your neighbour as yourself.

I still believe that you'll never live, until you love, with all your heart and soul. Do you?

Sunday, 9 December 2007

寂寞之歌

最近我一直都在读藤井树的书，越读越有感悟。

在《听笨金鱼唱歌》里，女主角问了男主角：“要怎样才能忘记一个你深爱的人？
男主角想了一阵子，回答了说 :“时间，和一个深爱你的人。”
女主角听了却说：“时间只能证明你爱他有多深。”

我觉得她这样说，颇有道理。如果真的短时间内忘记了那个人，这意味着你其实并没有那么爱他；而如果十年后你都还是想念着他，假设你的寿命有七十岁，那就代表，你花了你的生命的七分之一来爱他，值得吗？尤其是如果你的那个他根本不值得你爱。当然，如果他值得你爱，我们也不必讨论这个忘记的问题啦。Anyway, 我只希望，时间会给我我要的证明。

Next, 一个深爱你的人。这一点我只能猜测它的准确性，因为我从未因一个爱我的人而忘记一个我爱的人，但凡事都有第一次对吧？只是我知道心动跟感动是两回事，但我也无法拒绝会因为屡次的感动而心动的可能性—因为女生总是那么心软。但我很肯定，如果你还爱着你深爱的那个他，一个爱你的人能介入你的心的机会几乎等于零。可是，一个爱你的人却能提醒你说“何处无芳草”，因此而让你停止爱你曾深爱的他。至于会不会爱上深爱你的人，就要看缘份吧。

在《寂寞之歌》里，藤井树写了说，“每个人的心里都有一首寂寞之歌，反复地在重播着。” 而他觉得大多的寂寞，来自于爱情。现在回想起，其实人会寂寞，真的是自己找渣的。本来你都是一个人好好的，发育了心痒竟跑去谈恋爱，结果落得像孙燕姿的 “天黑黑”里--“爱上让我奋不顾身的一个人。。。横冲直撞，被误解被骗”，换来一堆想起时会落泪的甜蜜回忆，一颗破碎的心，还有那一层层挥不去的寂寞。其实，开始时是一个人，结束时也是一个人，但就因为曾经体验过两个人在一起的滋味，所以忽然失去了会怀念，会不习惯，因此沦为寂寞。如果说一个人是寂寞的，那从一开始我都是寂寞的，只是恋爱时忘了寂寞还在身旁，等到爱走了才醒悟到原来寂寞一直都在，只是我没注意到它。现在，注意到了，所以倍感寂寞。

寂寞之歌》的尾端，藤井树为他这本书的主题做出解释，说会写出这本书是因为那更上一层楼的寂寞。何谓更上一层楼的寂寞呢？他说: “写这本书，是因为想与读者分享寂寞，写完了才发觉原来寂寞根本不能分享，只能自己体会；发现了这一点后，内心的寂寞，也就更上一层楼了。” 我却白痴的不相信，所以就试图写一些关于我自己的寂寞与大家分享。结果，寂寞真的并没有减少，多愁善感全涌上心头，真的给藤井树说中了>.< 对了，想澄清一点-- 寂寞不能与别人分享，却能被别人了解；就算你觉得全世界的人都不了解你，主懂你的内心；我可以这样说，因为我是最好的证明。

话说回来，如果每一种感觉都拥有它独特的味道，那我觉得我的寂寞有像水的味道-- 淡淡的，却永无止境。这样也好，在我最寂寞的时候，至少有寂寞永远陪着我。所以，朋友，如果你寂寞，别忘了还有寂寞一直守住在你身边，不离不弃，还有寂寞的我。

Thursday, 6 December 2007

酒

酒入愁肠愁更愁... 我--终于体验了...

可笑的是, 我竟希望这种晕晕醺醺的感觉一直持续下去...

你问我为什么? 我却真的不知道......

15 seconds

If you only had 15 seconds left in your life, what would your final act be? To tell that someone special you loved her/him? To thank your family for all their love? To drink and be merry with your friends? To go to some scenic quiet place and await death alone? Think about what you've been spending your time doing, and ask yourself- would I regret spending my life the way I've been? And answer it.

On a totally different note, I've always loved the Road Not Taken by Robert Frost. Mr Frost, I ask for forgiveness in advance, because I am going to modify your work with my own feeble lines- because I believe that what speech cannot express, words can; and I possess none of your great skill in pen.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Being human, I bent very low,
For the unknown I very much feared
Amid the bushes I saw an inviting bright glow
Long and hard I squinted and peered
But still its origin I did not know.

Almost blinded by the rays I looked away
On a whim I turned to the other lane
Just as long and winding, was this other way
As I looked at the path a fair maiden came
But not a single word would she utter.

And both roads that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
"Follow me" the dancing light seemed to say
But the maiden beckoned me down her track
Smiling with a finger on her lips.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
For whichever way I traveled by
It will have made all the difference
For knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I would ever come back

Two roads diverged in a wood that morn
and I-- by the choice, in two was torn
You ask, did I on the correct path descend?
My dear friend, the problem is--
I wouldn't know, until I've reached the end.

My version of emo-ing. Hope it makes sense to some of you.

If I had 15 seconds left in my life: I would like to spend those 15 seconds giving all my love, with no regrets.

OH YEA, on a side note, LSE offered me an unconditional offer for law. So did King's. Praise the Lord.

Saturday, 24 November 2007

Finally...

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding."

Finally, I'm beginning to learn...

24th November 2007, a day I'll always remember.

Some things you just have to let go, because it just isn't in God's plan (yet?)... Though it'll hurt and leave a scar, you just have to trust... thanks Li Yenn for reminding me =)

To the future, and whatever it may bring, I'm ready!
Because my God has gone before me to show me the way.

OH YEA... and today is the first day my blog is up for public consumption. Cheers!

Saturday, 27 October 2007

情歌

记得我的朋友写了一首歌《我不傻》，当时觉得歌词好美：

只要你快乐，失去爱情那又如何
我不傻，就算只剩下昨日的拥抱
只要你快乐，付出什么都是值得
我会在远方默默的祝福着。

今天想起，觉得有点凄凉与惋惜，却不知道是为了谁。是为了写歌人的痴情？还是为了听歌人的残忍？而又有多少人真正做到舍己为人？

Thursday, 25 October 2007

Wednesday, 24 October 2007

A Blog Post for God

People say that you can be who you want to be, it's just whether you allow yourself that opportunity or not. But God, what do You say?

I think You say that I can be whoever I want to be, after all, You gave Adam and Eve choices, You gave me too. You gave him a choice as well.

Choice. What an ironic word. God, I'm so sorry I'm emo-ing here. If You're too busy, don't bother listening alright? I know there are a lot of people out there who need You too. You go tend to them first okay? You said that there is a time for everything under the sun, so I'm just selfishly hoping that this happens to be the time where You read blog posts.

Where was I? Ah yes. Choice. Someone once said that feelings fade away, but choices last forever. But if a choice were to overlap another choice, does that mean the choice before no longer has its impact?

Father, You know how hard I've been trying to learn maturity. I need Your help. I can't do it alone. Stop me from trying to take my future into my own Hands, but to leave it safely in Yours. I don't know about him, but if he is trying to take control, God, help him to remember that it's still You who are, and always will be, in control.

Father, You know how stubborn I am. You know how much it hurts for me to say this, but I know I must ask this of You. God, if this is not meant to be, please take it away from my heart. Please help me to learn to let go. If this is meant to be, Father, please keep it burning. If this is not meant to be now, but some time later in Your plan, please give us the wisdom to know when, and the courage to take that step of faith.

Father, You know the deepest desire of my heart. But, I pray that not my will, but Thine be done, in my life as it is in heaven.

Psalms 147: 3 -"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

Thanks for Your patience and friendship God, and for promising to carry me through all my sorrow and pain. Thank you especially for tahan-ing my stupidity =)

I love you God.

In Jesus' Name I pray,

Amen.

Tuesday, 16 October 2007

白痴

人生自是有情痴，此恨不关风与月！

我一直都不明白为何作者会用恨来形容爱情，明明爱得那么深，又怎么会有恨呢？现在，我终于明白了。不是爱得不够，而是爱得太深，所以恨自己放不开手，恨自己太痴情。

从小，我对爱情充满了憧憬，别人说我傻，我也一笑置之，从不理会。也许是我太天真了吧。。可是，如果失去理想是变成熟的代价，那我宁可永远幼稚。这世上真的没有所谓的山盟海誓，天长地久吗？

欧阳修曾写过一句话：“心似双丝网, 终有千千结。” 我，终于晓得他的心境了-- 整颗心好像是用成千上万的结组成的，一拉一条结就痛一次。我心我情谁能晓？谁是解铃系铃人？

主，但愿我能在您身上获得平静与勇气。

刚刚听了一首蛮贴切的歌，想在这里分享一下。

紧紧相依的心如何
say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己
完成你的期盼

把手放开不问一句
当作最后一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今后都不管
只要你能愉快

有一句感慨
还能够跟谁对白
在你关上门之前
替我再回头看看
那些片段
还在不在
心

献给世上所有的伤心人。记得要快乐！