I've just finished watching the taiwan series It Started with a Kiss and somehow.. I can't get it out of my mind. Maybe it's the impish, charming grin of Joe Cheng (who is a total hottie by my standards XD ), or maybe it's something deeper..
It reminded me of the pain of unrequited love, of forever wondering whether that special someone likes you, of second-guessing his every move and word.. I guess, in a weird, convoluted manner, I sort of miss that feeling. I miss the way I used to care about whatever happened to that special someone, to start missing him even though I just met him a moment ago, even the way I used to cry myself to sleep because of despair that he would never fall for me.. (I'm not speaking about anyone in particular, it's just the feelings I'm referring to). I miss the times when I would look at his retreating back and whisper softly, "If only you knew how much I care.. if only you cared enough to find out.."
Somehow, life was a lot simpler when it was just about me constantly thinking of him. Two people in a relationship is so much harder, though most would say it's more rewarding and happier. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that relationships are bad, I'm just saying that relationships are complex. With the world and society in general being what it is, a bit of simplicity would really be welcome, in my opinion at least.
Maybe the crux of what I'm trying to say is that I miss my idealistic, romantic self. Granted, I might still have a few shreds of that left in me, but the rest, by far and by large, is gone. But yet, everytime I watch a taiwan drama series, and see the characters sacrifice so much for love, a pang strikes my heart, and somewhere deep inside me, a hunger to love, to hurt, to give all I have to someone awakens once more. Somewhere deep down, I want to be able to say to someone, "It's okay if you don't like me.. I love you.. and that's enough for me." That's enough for me.. Would I? Will I? Could I ever..?
Well, there you are. One of the yearnings of my heart. I hope I haven't bored you. Perhaps I'll spice this blog with a little fiction if inspiration strikes. If I can't live out my fantasies, I'll write about it.. perhaps..
Would you risk your feet and take this dance?
Would you give it all for this one chance?
If only you knew how much I care,
How hard this loneliness is to bear,
I hear like a pensive refrain,
This never-ending pang of pain..
Forgive me for my intrusion,
Forgive me my delusion,
In my life all i ever wanted to do,
Is to spend this life, only loving you.
There.. my attempt at capturing an illusion of feelings..
hope you liked it..
